Internal Struggle
by LaCuentaCuentos
Summary: Set during the Last Olympian. Battle of Manhattan through Luke Castellan's point of view. Rated T for suicidal thoughts and actions. One-shot. Based on 30 Seconds to Mars' song Attack. *Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians*


I won't suffer, be broken, get tired or wasted

Surrender to nothing, or give up what I

started and stopped it, from end to beginning

A new day is coming, and I am finally free.

I looked from behind stranger's eyes in horror at what I had done. Why? What had gone through my mind? How in Hades had I ever believed that the Titans would be any better than the gods? In any case, they were worst... Much worst.

Even before, before beginning to look for Daedalus' labyrinth, I had begun to see the grave error I had committed. As I unwillingly reached the Williamsburg Bridge, I caught sight of familiar demigods atop of it. I felt Kronos smile through my face as he, too, recognized the campers defending the bridge. To make sure they recognized him as well, he pulled off his war helmet.

"Kill them all," I heard myself say, only it wasn't me, it was the Titan. His army didn't hesitate, they charged.

_Stop it! _I wanted to scream, but I had no voice. If I had been able to cry, I probably would had just then. Demigods shouldn't battle one another, I had come to understand the hard way. In a way, we're all brothers and sisters. Who else understands our pain and fears between than a fellow demigod? I wanted to scream and cry and run away from it all. I couldn't help but to think: If only Annabeth had accepted to run away with me... _No_, I stopped myself. The only one to blame was me. Me with my hatred and my rage.

"So easy to manipulate," Kronos had mocked.

Now, as Kronos lazily made his way to the battling pair at the Williamsburg Bridge, I understood that I was destined to see all of my friends was my bitter fate and their blood would be in my hands.

I almost tried to warn them again as a Calvary of Kronos' demigods charged at the campers. Didn't they realize Kronos would have no place for them in his new Golden Age? Maybe not, or worst, maybe they trusted me so much that they blindly believed I could protect them.. If only they knew the truth, that I wasn't Kronos' favorite lieutenant, just a stepping stone. They had followed me blindly, desperate for a change, for a better life... _What have I done? _I asked inwardly, yet again.

When Kronos finally made it to the ongoing battle, I grimaced. Somebody had hurt Annabeth. Of course, unlike the brainwash bunch I had collected, the campers hesitated to battle fellow demigods. When I noticed who had been the one to stab Annabeth, I gulped. I wanted to warn Percy, to order him to get her to safety, because I knew Ethan. Without a doubt, his blade was poisoned, I was sure of it.

Run away, run away, I'll attack.

Run away, run away, go chase yourself.

Run away, run away, now I'll attack.

I'll attack, I'll attack!

Thankfully, Jackson is not as dense as most may think. Without a second thought, he called to a pegasus, the one that escaped me in the Princess Andromeda so long ago. I watched it carry her off in relief. That was Percy Jackson, succeeding where I had failed: keeping Annabeth safe.

Before I could realize what my body was doing, Kronos had engaged in battle with Percy. NO! I tried to shout, but in a confusing moment, both Kronos and I realized something.

Kronos' scythe crashed against Riptide in a strike that would had pulverized anybody. Yet, Percy held his ground and with what I guessed was a wordless battle cry, he kicked my legs out from underneath me. He had bathed in the this realization, Kronos took a moment to mock me, to put me down. Surprisingly, his words and displeasure of me still hurt.

The battle was brief, a quick teaser. Before it all got out of hand, Percy was smart enough to destroy the bridge. It would not keep Kronos away forever, but it bought them some time. I couldn't help myself, I thanked the gods.

Kronos smiled and saluted Percy, mockingly raising his weapon. In that moment, I made a huge decision. I chose to forget the fact that I feared the nightmares and images the King of Titans projected in my mind. As Kronos stepped away from the chasm where the bridge had once been, I began to fight Kronos for the control of my body.

I would have kept you forever, but we had to sever

It ended for both of us, faster than a

kill off this thinking, it's starting to sink in

I'm losing control now, and without you I can finally see.

I was greatly punished each time I tried to retake my body. It didn't matter though, I was numb to it. All that was left for me to do was to try to stop him and I finally came to terms with that. The only fear left in me was the fear of seeing Kronos win the war.

I simply had to find a way to regain control of my body again. All I needed was one minute to end it all, to pierce my only weak spot. It was hard, however. Whenever I managed to resurface into my body, it was for mere seconds and that wasn't long enough for my plan. No, I had to wait until he was engaged in battle, weapon drawn and ready to attack.

If I had not forgotten how to laugh, I probably would had just then. I was actually planning my suicide. How many times had the thought darkly crossed my mind when I was younger? Hundreds of times, maybe more. And just then, I couldn't help to wish I had gone through with it back then...

Better late than never, I suppose.

Your promises, they look like lies

Your honesty, like a back that hides a knife

I promise you (promise you)

I promise you (promise you)

I am finally free!

I waited patiently, binding my time. I wasn't sure why or how, but I knew that sooner or later Kronos would slip and I would have my chance. It became obvious when the arrogant Titan Lord decided to skip his regeneration. Curious, hadn't that been one of the grave errors the Olympians had made? Arrogantly leaving their symbols of power without guards? For the one who had exploited that, you would think he would be more careful. By skipping regeneration he would have no strength to fight and oppose me... I hoped.

So I watched from behind golden eyes as Kronos led his army towards the Empire State Building, to Olympus.

_Wait for it_, I told myself. Funny, I would had expected to be nervous, if not afraid, of going through with my plan. That wasn't the case. I felt more at ease than ever. I would correct my wrong-doing, I would allow my fellow demigods to live longer and stop them from killing each other, I would not let Kronos destroy the world.

Then, my heart skipped a beat as I noticed the only thing standing between Kronos and the entrance to the Empire State Building was none other than Chiron.

_No_... I thought and immediately began to fight for the control of my body. I was too busy battling Kronos, but I clearly heard Chiron defend me. After everything I had put him through, everything I had done... In our battle for control, something strange happen. I think a part of me mixed with his for a second and even though it was Kronos speaking out of rage and hatred, it were my pained words that came out:

"You filled his head with empty promises. You said the gods cared about me!"

Too bad Chiron pointed it out. If there is something Camp Half-Blood should teach, it is that one must NEVER anger a Titan. Especially, if that Titan was Kronos. Enraged by Chiron's humiliation, I lost the struggle and was immediately punished.

Next thing I know, I was standing in front of Jackson with Backbiter in my hands in Olympus' throne room. For a moment, I thought it was just another image or nightmare, part of a punishment. My body didn't respond and then I knew it was reality.

I watched Kronos battle Percy. _It has to be now_, I realized. As Kronos backed Jackson up against Hephaestus' throne. It was then that I had another realization: I might not have it in me to retake control of my body again.

Kronos was close to becoming his true self and my soul had begun to falter. I felt so weak...

Electricity blinded me. I felt so sleepy... At some point, Annabeth charged at Kronos, but called my name. It was too late though, I fell asleep into the nightmare Kronos had planned for me. The last thing I saw was my hand flickering, sending Annabeth backward into her mother's throne.

"Luke," Annabeth's voice brought me out of my forced slumber. She stood before me and my heart sank. She was wounded, tired, beaten. She held the King of Titans at a standstill. Instinctively, I began to fight for control, to hold him back from effortlessly destroying her.

_Run! _I wanted to scream as she stood bravely face-to-face with Kronos. Of course, I knew she would not listen.

"I understand now. You have to trust me," she was saying.

"Luke Castellan is dead!" Kronos lied. "His body will burn away as I assume my true form!"

As we struggled for control, the same thing that had happened at the doors with Chiron repeated itself. It was strange. As if all that pain was bottled up in my body, the hatred of the gods.

"Your mother," Annabeth grunted. "She saw your fate."

"Service to Kronos!" Kronos said, speaking the words I had said so many times before. "This is my fate!"

"No!" Annabeth insisted and I saw she had begun to tear up. "That's not the end, Luke. The prophecy: she saw what you would do. It applies to you!"

"I will crush you, child!" Kronos bellowed, trying to keep me at bay.

"You won't," Annabeth said. "You promised. You're holding Kronos back even now."

That was my Annabeth. I was sure the rest had labelled me evil without a second thought. Never Annabeth. She had faith in me. Enraged by her words, Kronos struck her in the face with his free hand, and she slid backwards. I towered over her, still fighting the Titan for my body as he raised Backbiter.

"Family, Luke. You promised," Annabeth croaked, blood spilling from the corner of her mouth. I felt like crying again. I had broken that promise, lied and hurt her. My eyes focused on the blood in her face and rage filled me.

Just then, I retook my body. I stared at my old knife in Annabeth's hand, the blood on her face. "Promise." The word slid out my mouth and I became conscious of the fact that it was Kronos within me now, fighting to resurface, not the way around. I was in a haze, almost all of my strength focusing on controlling the Titan.

I gasped, feeling as if I could not breathe. "Annabeth..." My eyes focused on her. "You're bleeding..." I stumbled, feeling as Kronos began to retake control.

"My knife," she replied and at once I remembered my plan. As I went forward in an attempt to grab it, Percy surged forward as well and scooped it up before I could... I mean, before Kronos could. Just as I had gone to grab it, Kronos had managed to retake my body.

I watched helplessly as Percy knocked Backbiter out of Kronos' grasp. It didn't matter, Annabeth had humiliated him almost as bad as had Chiron. Thankfully, Percy stepped between Kronos and Annabeth, preventing him from harming her further. I couldn't help being a little jealous. Unlike me, Percy did everything in his power to keep her safe.

I gasped, managing to regain control again. "He's changing. Help. He's... he's almost ready. He won't need my body anymore. Please-" before I could finish, Kronos gained the upper hand again in our internal struggle.

"NO!" He went for Backbiter which had ended up in the hearth. As we battled for control, he stumbled towards it, but was unable to grasp it.

I don't know what gave me that last bit of strength. The pain of my ruined hands or Annabeth's undying faith in me even after all the times I let her down. I just know that I took control and managed to keep Kronos controlled.

I was on the ground, looking at Percy as he clutched my old knife. "Please, Percy..." My tongue ran across my dry lips. "You can't... can't do it yourself. He'll break my control. He'll defend himself. Only my hand. I know where. I can... can keep him controlled," I explained. I felt so hot, as if I was boiling.

Percy stood there for a moment before looking back at Grover and Annabeth. Kronos stirred within me. "Please," I groaned. "No time." My strength was beginning to fade as Kronos prepared to take his true form.

Just then, Percy handed me the knife. I sighed with relief, taking the hilt. I ignored the pain I felt when my ruined hands made contact with the hilt. Unlatching the side straps of my armor, I exposed my weak spot. It was difficult, but I managed to sink the blade in. Immediately, I howled out in pain. It was the greatest pain I have ever felt.

Next thing I know, I'm just laying there, my breathing a deep rattle. I couldn't help a smile when I was unable to feel the Titan King's presence. "Good... blade," I croaked.

Percy knelt beside me. I was about to thank him when Annabeth limped over with Grover's help. They had tears in their eyes. "You knew. I almost killed you, but you knew..." She knew I would come through in the end. She had remained faithful.

"Shhh. You were a hero at the end, Luke. You'll go to Elysium."

I shook my head weakly. I couldn't let it end this way. Too shameful even if I had ended it well. "Think... rebirth. Try for three times. Isles of the Blest."

Annabeth sniffled. "You always pushed yourself too hard." She knew me well.

I held up my charred hand and she touched my burnt fingertips. "Did you..." I coughed and my lips got stained with blood. "Did you love me?" I will never be sure why I asked. I guess I didn't want to die knowing I had never been loved.

"There was a time I thought... well, I thought..." When her words trailed and she looked to Percy, I knew exactly what her answer would be before she said it. "You were like a brother to me, Luke. But I didn't love you," she said softly.

I nodded before unwillingly wincing because of the pain. Grover tried to stay positive, that silly satyr that so long ago rescued us off the streets. "Grover," I gulped. "You're the bravest satyr I ever knew. But no...There's no healing..." I coughed again and blood flooded my mouth.

The end was near, but I couldn't go knowing nothing would change. So many dead... I could not let their deaths be in vain. I turned and grabbed at Percy's sleeve. "Ethan. Me. All the unclaimed. Don't let it... Don't let it happen again." I felt so weak it was hard to speak. I held onto life like a scared child holds onto his mother.

"I won't. I promise," I heard Percy say. Finally... I nodded and at last, I let go.

My world faded to black and, curiously, the last thing to ever go through my mind was the chorus of Kings and Queens by Thirty Seconds to Mars.

_We were the kings and queens of promise_

_We were the phantoms of ourselves_

_Maybe the children of a lesser god,_

_Between Heaven and Hell_

_Heaven and Hell._


End file.
